An open letter to the national media:

We know.

Yes, we've dug out from under our igloos and opened our eyes -- only for three seconds at a time, mind you. We don't want to risk the dreaded Buffalo Eye Frost. We know how to be safe in the cold, just as we know that when the Bills signed Terrell Owens, they took on more baggage than an intercontinental freighter.

But, please, please, please stop with the "Buffalo's crazy." We're not some outpost that doesn't get ESPN. Our city doesn't sit around trying to figure out which shovel is the best, and wishing they sold phones without cords. We know about T.O., what with his bally-hooed sit-ups in the driveway, his way-less-than-PC comments about Jeff Garcia and his engineering of a trade to keep him out of Baltimore

We have banks, restaurants and taxi cabs. We love chatting about the Bills, and we'll give you an earful, good or bad, about most NFL topics. I adore hockey, but we're just generally a football town in hibernation -- lengthy, mind-numbing, soul-destroying football hibernation brought on by years of poorly-operated and -executed refuse.

I know you think we're doofuses, tomfoolerists and neanderthals, but here's a couple quick responses to the "mainstream" media.

First, to the Denver wordsmith who penned this mighty quote about desiring Jay Cutler to be banished to Buffalo, and his words:

"Then, one night, it happens. Since there are only nine bars in Buffalo, Cutler and Terrell Owens wind up at the same place."

Nine bars in Buffalo? Really? If we've got anything it's bars and Catholic churches. My goodness, we've got more bars than Folsom Prison.

Also, to the other members of the media, who think Buffalo holds the most naive group of American football fans on Earth:

If T.O. decides to implode a locker room that boasts three consecutive 7-9 teams, that's fine by us.

If anything it allows this guy to get some extra face-time on national television, and maybe prop up his chances at the bar later that night (We're open 'til 3 a.m. It's glorious).

But if, for some ungodly reason, Owens' 70 catches or Lee Evans' speed allow either of them to be single-covered for the first time in five years, and we get to watch some entertaining football that could even extend past the regular season? Points scored, Queen City!

In summation... you can come from the same school of thought as Sean Salisbury OR you can hang out with a the thousands of folks who know how to cook and talk football on a Sunday in Western New York.

There's more fun to be had with the latter. I'm sure of it.

At least, these guys seem to be having fun.

I promise... We're having a better time than you.

Love,
Buffalo

P.S. Just so you know, Tim Russert, Mark Twain and Willis Carrier are from Buffalo. That's right, Carrier, the guy who invented modern air conditioning (We actually use it, too).

You're welcome, you ungrateful jerks.