(WGR 550) -- Class, before we grade out the first eight weeks of the season, let's do a small mental exercise to warm-up those noggins. Let's check the Buffalo Bills record after the first eight weeks of this wonderful decade we can call the "Zeroes" or the "Oughts."

2009- 3-5
2008- 5-3
2007- 4-4
2006- 3-5
2005- 3-5
2004- 3-5
2003- 4-4
2002- 5-3
2001- 1-7
2000- 4-4

Let's see, let me do some math.. 35 wins... 45 losses... 80 games... carry the niner... that's a winning percentage of .437, which is... Wait, could it be? Yes, yes it is.

The same as a 7-9 season.

Let's go Bills. Let's go Bills. Let's go Bills. B-b-b-b-b-b-Bills.

Actually, the "Oughts" is the perfect name for the decade, isn't it? The Bills "Ought" to have beaten Pittsburgh and made the playoffs. The Bills "Ought" to have retained Pat Williams. Alas, I digress.

First-half report card

Secondary- The Bills' top ten pass defense is a misleading stat due to their inability to stop the run, but the secondary has been the least of the Bills worries. I can't recall too many, if any, pass interference calls, and -- thanks to injuries -- Jairus Byrd has been a revelation. The second-round pick's seven interceptions are rewriting the Bills rookie record book.

The Bills' 15 interceptions are one short of No. 1 in the league, and they've done it with Terrence McGee banged up all year. Drayton Florence has been a good veteran pick-up at corner, which up to this year I thought was against Bills policy (See: James, Will and Webster, Jason). Will be happy to see how this unit functions with Donte Whitner or Bryan Scott back, although it remains to be seen if Scott's work with the linebackers last week is a harbinger of a position change or just a lack of bodies. GRADE: B

Linebackers- No apologies for this moribund unit. Even when healthy, they've been absolutely miserable. Keith Ellison has become a whipping boy for Bills fans, but in a true sign of what ails this team, may be the most consistent player in the corps. To quote Melody Hansen's character in "Dodgeball," "I just threw up in my mouth a little."

Now I'm not saying anyone should've listened to my advice of drafting any of the USC linebackers (Brian Cushing has 78 tackles, Clay Matthews Jr. has three sacks and Rey Maualuga has been a big part of the Bengals resurgence), but I'm saying that the Bills should've listened to my advice of drafting any of the USC linebackers in last April's draft.

Speaking of draft, Chris Draft has been a nice surprise as a stop-gap backer. GRADE: F

Defensive line- I put very little of the unit's struggles on the line, and here's why: The Bills' Top-4 linemen are absolutely dominating the tackle charts in the NFL. While I'll allow that they've faced more opportunities to make tackles than many in the league due to their offense having the drive-sustaining power of a car without wheels, one of the knocks on Buffalo has been their absolute lack of finish from the men up-front.

Marcus Stroud's 28 solo tackles are No. 1 among defensive tackles in the league, while Chris Kelsay's 24 solo stops places him No. 5 among ends. If you use total tackles, both players remain in the Top 5 at their position, while Kyle Williams and Aaron Schobel slide into the discussion. Williams' 30 tackles put him at No. 5 for defensive tackles, while Schobel's 30 stops put him at eighth. Must be the killer beards.

The Bills have 17 sacks on the season, tied for 18th in the league with decent units like Baltimore and Oakland. It's not a great number, but it's just seven behind the garbage pile that was the 2008 squad's entire year. I'm guessing a healthy Schobel matters here. Also resembling a real football team, 13 of those 17 sacks come from the line. They're also the only unit that has stayed healthy. GRADE: B+

OVERALL DEFENSIVE GRADE- C+

Tight ends- This was certainly not how they drew it up. Maybe this team just needs better trainers, or tackles, because Derek Schouman, Derek Fine and Shawn Nelson have all battled the injury or illlness bug... and Schouman lost. Honestly, if Nelson delivers on some truly athletic promise, I hesitate to say the unit would actually be a solid one. GRADE: Incomplete

Running backs- It doesn't appear last, but I skipped typing this grade seven times. Both Fred Jackson and Marshawn Lynch can be No. 1 backs in this league, but neither is utilized enough, and the running plays called are often horrendous. I feel like half are coming off a fake reverse or an ill-advised counter. Why run any delayed-rushing play when your line can't get to the "second level"... more than twice a game? GRADE: C+

Offensive line- So bad that they're replacing guys cut from the Lions with guys off the Packers practice squad. Both of those lines are among the worst in the league, so.... right. I will say this: forget Langston Walker, the loss of Brad Butler is hurting this unit the most. I think Eric Wood will be a solid Bill for a long time. GRADE: F

Wide receivers- If Terrell Owens didn't have several drops, this grade would be much higher, but I think the Bills have a solid receiving corps. I'm not saying they could be "The Greatest Show on Turf" with a good quarterback, but don't tell me Ricky Proehl and Az Hakim would be blips with Trent or Fitz. GRADE: C

Quarterback- The Bills have a second-string, third-string and practice squad quarterback on the team. All they need is a No. 1. While I'm not averse to the idea of Trent Edwards exploding offensively over the next eight games, I find it more likely he actually explodes. I can't get over the fact that the Bills brought in Patrick Ramsey for a work-out, and I found it absurd until I realized that in five more career games than Edwards, Ramsey has 12 more touchdowns and just six more interceptions.

That said, the Bills have won three times, and their quarterbacks weren't absolutely miserable in those games. Can I fail a group that had made a handful of good throws and won three games? Probably.

Again, I hope it works out, but I have a list of 11 draft-eligible quarterbacks I'd be legimately excited about should they end up in red, white and blue. Joe Buscaglia would disagree with me, but I want two: first-round and sixth-round. Sign me a stand-in for second-string and call it a day. GRADE: F

OVERALL OFFENSIVE GRADE- I feel for Alex Van Pelt. This could be his one chance to be an offensive coordinator, and these are the quarterbacks and linemen he gets. GRADE: D

SPECIAL TEAMS- Illegal block in the back, No. __, receiving team. I bump the grade up to a D because Brian Moorman is the best punter and quarterback on the team. Ryan Denney now has two career touchdowns. GRADE: D

COACHING: Not nearly as bad as everyone says... but not good, either. GRADE: D

OVERALL: Somehow, they've won three games. Before the year, I think every one of us would've told you the Buccaneers, and Jets would be awful. The Bills beat them, as well as a Carolina team as mercurial as any in the league. Any other team two games out of their division lead would feel good moving forward. Here? Not-so-much. GRADE: D

Email: nick@wgr550.com