I typed a lot of relatively-smart things on twitter.com/NicholasMendola regarding this hire. Check that here. In other news, I've learned something about myself -- typing quotes and analysis while driving in the passenger side of a rental car to Ohio does not agree with me.

The Buffalo Bills hiring of Chan Gailey seemed a tremendously unpopular move right off the bat, so heading into the press conference at One Bills Drive – for the record, I’m not there. I’m in a car to Kent State with UB assistant director of athletic communications Brian Wolff (Go Bulls) – you may be surprised to find out I have only one major problem with the hiring of the former Cowboys’ boss.

That one problem is that there is no chance the Bills can convince me that Gailey was even in their Top Ten entering this coaching search.

I’d say he was at least No. 15 on any such list, below Bill Cowher, Pete Carroll and all the Shanahans and Schottenheimers you can muster. In fact, part of the problem with my feelings on the Gailey hiring is that I learned of so many new attractive names along the way (The only thing I cared about Leslie Frazier before this coaching search was that he’s done the “Super Bowl Shuffle”).

Can Gailey be a good coach? Definitely. Can he hire a decent staff with his years of connections in the league? Absolutely. Is he sexy? That's a combined physical, metaphorical and categorical no (unless you’re into that posh-late-50s-slight-beer-gut type).

Here’s the thing for all of us remarkably underwhelmed fans to keep in mind: the guy is going to pound the ball, which means he’d like a nice left tackle, but he’ll also take shots if he has the weapons. He had rushing and receiving weapons at Georgia Tech – Calvin Johnson and Tashard Choice among them – and worked it out, except for beating Georgia (which is really, really hard).

EDIT NOTE: I really hope Gailey likes his former Tech recruit, top-draft-prospect Derrick Morgan. If they go 3-4, there are far worse choices for an outside linebacker. Watch the Youtube footage of him I linked on my Twitter. Sick.

One quick question before we get to the quotes: Did the name Chan Gailey even pop into your head at any point from the DIck Jauron firing until Monday? Be honest.
Now for the press conference:
Buddy Nix

-- Nix said he didn’t want to do a head coaching search. Sweet, but I appreciate the honesty. He also said in his first press conference that he didn’t want to leave a legacy. Sounds like an A-plus mind.

-- Was that criteria or “cry-tee-a”? Heck of a lot of drawl at One Bills Drive. It's like a Cormac McCarthy book about football. I could listen to this man speak forever, I just wish it was about rattlesnakes and killer cacti.

-- Nix said Perry Fewell and Leslie Frazier were the two guys who were accurately reported as interview candidates. Thanks, Buddy.

-- “Twenty percent of the things that were reported had some truth to it,” he said. Note for three years from now: don’t pay attention to any reports.

-- Nix wanted a guy who was successful in this league as a coach. “Well, why did you interview two coordinators,” Wolffie just asked. AND HE’S A JETS FAN.

-- “I wanted somebody that had developed quarterbacks,” Nix said. “Folks with good quarterbacks are winning. Folks with bad quarterbacks are losing. It’s not that har

That’s right on. Now make sure Chan doesn’t bring in Reggie Ball.
-- “Very few times do you get an offensive-minded guy who’s been a defensive coordinator and worked with special teams,” Nix said. Great point.

-- Nix said he got about 15 calls a day for guys begging to interview for the job, from names that would surprise us. Right when I was about to yell, “Why don’t you tell us?!?!?!”, he rips off an actual funny quip: “Don’t think you can’t fill a coaching job, even if it’s bad. Oakland gets a lot of calls. Don’t tell them I said tha

Metallic-paint tears all over Oakland.

-- The only guy to be offered the job, and meet Ralph Wilson, was Gailey, according to Nix. Somehow I don’t think he was skipping around a single-room house with his grandparents singing, “I’ve got a Golden Ticket!”
Chan Gailey

-- “I understand the challenge that’s ahead of us, the challenge to get the Buffalo Bills back to a winning franchise on a consistent basis,” Gailey said.

Go on…

-- Good for Gailey to point out that the two people “on top” of this thing were himself and Buddy Nix. Was that a PR way to tell the fans they are keeping Ralph Wilson as far away from this thing as possible?

-- “Plays are more fun than fundamentals, and fundamentals are more important than play

A line from my favorite children’s book, "Little T Learns To Share"

-- It took 90 seconds of Gailey speaking for me to realize that there wasn’t anything that was going to be said to short of “We’re going to trade for Peyton Manning” that would make this press conference actually interesting.

-- Gailey and Nix sound a bit alike if you aren’t looking at them, and I'm typing in a car to Ohio, so forgive me if I was mistaken on some of my attributed quotes.

-- “The people we are going to get aren’t going to have the names you’d attract right off the bat. We’re going to get the best teachers,” Gailey said.

Awesome. Sounds like the fact of the matter is that no one short of a 71-year-old scout who begrudgingly accepted the general manager position and a 58-year-old out-of-work offensive coordinator deemed Buffalo an acceptable destination, and they’re going to have to find guys who will put up with the Bills organization to better their career.

-- They are going to look at other options before deciding whether Buffalo will run a 4-3 defense next year, although Gailey said he is “much more open to the 3-4 than I used to be because I know how much of a pain it is to go against it every week.”

-- I’m not being an ageist, because I think these guys can do a good job, but this press conference really does sound like a Southern version of “Grumpy Old Men.”

In conclusion, all we learned from this afternoon is that Chan Gailey really is the Bills coach, and here’s hoping that’s not a terrible thing, because if I really had to judge anything from that presser, I’d be feeling worse off about the hiring than I did before the talking started.

Now get me some players.

Go Bills.
Email: nick@wgr550.com