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When your boss asks you to type about a night that involved good food, great friends, evening gowns, hockey jerseys, various aged beverages, locker room tales, bar room humor, music, memorabilia and the sport of iced hockey, you say, "Yes."

Especially in a world where the other stories you have to type are about football players either -- allegedly -- practicing larceny in chain restaurants or football coaches -- allegedly -- looking at your local job as the quickest road to a career pratfall, you write the column.

So, how were the 2010 Whiney Awards and roast of Rob Ray? By far, the best yet. I bet most would expect me to say that, but I'd hope you've come to expect honesty from me.

A recap:

The venue: Salvatore's Italian Gardens was where my wife and I held our wedding reception, so I'm partial to the place I call "Sal's Ital." Looked great, felt great and for some reason they let me into the "VIP Room," where I learned that Scott Metcalfe was the sleeper roaster of the evening (More on that later).

The beverages: I had a 16-year-old glass of Lagavulin single-malt scotch purchased for me by a listener/friend of mine. It's online description reads as I'd like my epitaph to: "Like Sean Connery, it has prestige and allure with a brusque demeanor that is unmistakable."

So, this place had some stuff! There was also a lot of wonderful wine (which I'm sure was brought to you by The Premier Group: Wine Made Easy). My wine glass was only full of grape juice and my snifter was simply apple juice, however. I'm a nice, well-behaved lad.

The food: Since my opinion is apparently worthless because I don't eat meat, here's Dan Hager: "The food gets better every year and this year takes the steak."

That's clever. Steak instead of cake. The rice pilaf and dessert were both outstanding.

The Whiney Awards: Greg Bauch emceed and had some great burns. We had a three-time winner (Henry Dembski), a twice-consecutive winner (Paul Slater), a two-time winner (The Islander) and a first-timer (Sal Alessi). Have a problem with our decision? Try leaving your number sometime (and leave it before the call, if you really want Dan and me to be pleased). There were a lot of funny guys and gals this year who could've challenged for a trophy. No number, no dice.

Are you good at leaving messages on an answering machine? 716.843.0234

Roasters: Don't expect too many direct quotes in this recap. Most of these guys had truckers vocabularies that would make Large Marge blush.

Roaster No. 1 - Danny Gare: "Tickets" was worth the price of admission. The burn I appreciated the most from him was when he lit up Harry Neale's coaching skills in Detroit. "He coached me in Detroit... for about three weeks. Then he got fired, and I got let go... but it's good to see Harry."

Roaster No. 2 - Harry Neale: If Harry didn't write the book of "standard but hilarious" roast jokes, he owns the elite edition. Harry's got a side to him you don't hear on television, and that side is full of vinegar. He also abstained from dirty underwear jokes, which you couldn't say about the 2009 roast of Lindy Ruff. Still grosses me out.

Roaster No. 3 - Scott Metcalfe: Let's just say this. If anyone enjoyed the off-ice side of being a professional athlete more than "Metter," they are probably in jail.

Roaster No. 4 - Matthew Barnaby: Goodness, gracious. When I was still dreaming of playing professional hockey, I wanted to be like Mike Foligno or Barnaby. When I was about 16 or 17, I realized I didn't have the skill to be Barnaby. At the Whiney Awards, I learned I didn't have the sailor's mouth. Favorite line about Ray: "He might be the only guy who wrote a book that never #&!^!@% read one."

Roastee - Rob Ray: We've seen both Lindy Ruff and Thurman Thomas endure an hour of insults and embarrassing stories before roaring back with a "third-period" comeback. Let's just say Rob did not disappoint, and the guy who spits brutal and blunt truth about everything under the Sun off-mic brought it to the mic at Salvatore's.

The Morning After: Sixteen-year-old scotch. Enough said, I presume.

Not only that, but a portion of proceeds went the Buffalo Sabres Alumni Scholarship Fund, which benefits smart kids who thrive in community service. I'll wine -- er, whine -- and dine to that.

Email: nick@wgr550.com