I've been contemplating giving Bills fan emails a sounding board since Sunday's game ended. Then, a hilarious and perfect letter from a serviceman overseas pushed the idea over the top.

Yes, Dick Jauron is still the Bills head coach. To the rest of the nation, here's a glimpse of sports hell:

===

Author! author!,

Edwards is only one of a number of players that have or will be ruined by this organization. I believe Trent could be a very good QB... but not within this organization as it is now.

By the way, are you watching Chad Henne tonight? THSS discounted him in their exercise of whom and whom not they would consider as being better that Edwards. He looks a lot more like Marino than does poor Trent Jauron.

It's all coaching. Every bit of it,
Steve

Steve,

I tried to watch Dolphins/Jets, but my eyes were on fire from the Fins jerseys. I did watch "Wonder Boys," which was pretty well-done adaptation of the book of the same name by great American writer Michael Chabon.

I’m a Michigan guy, so you don’t have to convince me about Henne, and Howard added him into the “rather than Trent” occasion this morning.

I wrote it in one of my blogs this week. It could be that Jauron is killing Edwards the same way Mike Mularkey started jerking J.P. Losman around three games into his career as a starter, but in either case, you want your quarterback to be more mentally-tough. We’ve all had bad bosses. The true test of character is whether you bail, or do the best you can with what you got. Can you honestly say Trent “Our coach has us going in the right direction” Edwards is emblematic of that philosophy?

===

Maybe Ralph is so old he won't remember the losses...
--Joel

Joel,

I’m worried he can’t remember what it feels like to win…

===

New video of “Hey There, Trent Edwards,” Mixed by yours truly!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CY4ZLcM4ouU ---J

J,

Well-played sir. The Owens “I’m here” sample is top-notch. Should\'ve thought of it

===

Subj: Dick Jauron ringtone

Nick,

Now every time I get a text from the lowly Bills I get to hear “When Will Jauron Get Fired” play. At least I can take solace in that.
-- Dan

Dan,

Happy to help? Here’s another fan-made video from “J” that’s kinda hilarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lX7I1Jo-eQ

===

Nick,

We can all dream, can’t we? Or, do we just get stuck with our nightmares???

This is a list of steps I think might turn this franchise around. It would take a serious commitment by the Bills owner whoever that would be.

#1 Will not be listed. I would not wish that on anyone, not even a 90-year-old man.

#2 Keep Jauron for the year, tank the season, secure a top-4 pick with the plan to get Jimmy Clausen, Sam Bradford, or Tim Tebow. The new rookie will play and be the starter. At half a million for 2010 keep Trent as the back up to spell the rookie when needed. Trade Fitzpatrick if anyone wants him.

#3 Hope someone needs a running back bad and work out some kind of package for another first round pick. Keep in mind we’ve got Parrish and an extra quarterback too.

#4 Work out any other deal for a high-second round pick.

#5 Fire Russ Brandon at the end of the year, the next day hire Mike Holmgren to replace him as the new GM/Executive VP of Football Operations (Holmgren said he\'d like to try front office again).

#6 Fire Dick Jauron. Suck it up and eat the contract.

#7 Give Holmgren the funds to hire Jonn Gruden as head coach, bringing Holmgren and Gruden back together. With the right amount of money, 2 first round picks, 2 high second round picks, and getting to work with his old boss, Gruden won't say no.

#8 No offense Alex, but you got to go. Let Holmgren and Gruden (two former O.C.’s) decide who the offensive coordinator is and let them run the team and start fresh.

#9 I’m not sure if Perry Fewell is the guy but if Holmgren and Gruden want to drop him then he’s got to go too.

Holmgren’s been around a long time and with his contacts throughout the league he should make a great GM. Gruden’s still a young man with intensity and a lot to prove. He should make a great fit in Buffalo.

Thank You,
Jim
Lockport, NY

A 20-year Bills Fan that’s seen the highs and lows. I will never stop loving this team. But, I may stop liking them.

Folks, I give you your new VP of football operations: Jim in Lockport!

===

Good afternoon Nick,

I am a lifelong Buffalo Bills fan that can\'t take it anymore! If I knew how to start a website, then I would start one today and name it www.mikeshanahanforbuffalo.com. This coaching carousel over the last ten years is killing us. We need a big name, no nonsense, proven Head Coach and who better than Mike Shanahan. Coach Shanahan\'s worst record in Denver probably equals our best record over the last ten years.

He would do wonders with talent like Trent Edwards, Terrell Owens, Lee Evans, Marshawn Lynch, Freddie Jackson, Shaun Nelson, and Xavier Omon. Sure the players are to blame as well, but hey attitude and performance reflects leadership! Shanahan doesn't mind coaching in the cold, he\'s a no nonsense guy that will hold players and coaches responsible, and doesn't mind shaking things up within the organization which is exactly what we need. Other coaches like Bill Cowher and John Gruden have chosen to (at least for now) be television analysts. We don't need nor do we have the time to try and coax one of these guys back into coaching.
-- Steve
Bills Fan for LIfe!

Steve,

Shanahan’s worst year was 6-10, but it was bordered by 14-2 and 11-5 campaigns. Amazing how the drop-off from John Elway was only severe for one year. Also, Shanahan was fired after three non-playoff seasons, just like Dick Ja--- oh, nevermind.

One qualm with your argument: Xavier Omon? Do we know enough to call him a weapon?

I also love that we all feel the need to qualify every negative statement about the Bills with, "but I'm still a fan. Butterknife my brain, but I'm still a Bills fan."

Thanks for the email.

===

Nick,

Buffalo should take a page out of the Detriot Lions book and have all the fans wear the visiting teams colors to the next home game. The next home game is Houston who wear red white and blue so it may have to wait til the Miami game when everyone could wear orange and teal colors and root for the Dolphins.

The Lions did this in protest and wore Orange and rooted for the Bengals during a home game. If fans want a quicker response then they can adopt the Texans for the next home game and find a way to make it known in the stands that everyone is rooting for the Texans and not the Bills.
--Pat

Pat,

Get with me on this – as my buddy Scoggles would say – we can’t do anything the Lions have done. Yes, it’s absolute denial, but let’s just not do that.

In other news, I’ve found that I can now listen to Van Halen’s “Right Now” without thinking of Scott Norwood missing the kick. My buddy Gerald – look at me name-dropping my friends all over this piece! – always quoted the “only missed by a fraction” line. The song itself is hilarious. It kinda pumps you up, but at the same time, you can visualize terrible cover bands playing it, and getting way too into it.

By the way, the new Michael Jackson song is awful. Stop pretending everything post-humous is good. My dog’s messes proved the idea wrong months ago.

===

Nick,

First off, thank you for your great summaries every Monday describing the Bills. Extremely detailed, and well written.

Secondly, I don’t even need them anymore. I'm sitting here in Iraq at an old Saddam base, therefore I don’t have CBS, or even the NFL Ticket, and I can still picture these damn football games… Just by reading a few paragraphs I can picture the whole game; every mistake, every terrible play call, every 4-yd pass on a 3rd-and-12. It’s been happening for years.

Every Monday I look forward to running to the computer lab to check scores, and it’s not even worth it anymore. I am 4,000 miles away, and I have the same feelings I have when I sit at the Big Tree Inn and watch them lose. I just don’t get it anymore....

Where do we go from here? I have an idea, fire the coach. Sometimes a change is needed, just BECAUSE. Stop this "one more week" BS and make a change. The Bills have a lethal WR and RB core, but we can’t score any more.

...I dont even know what I\'m trying to get at with this email, but I needed to vent, because I just can’t take it anymore, and I\'m in the middle of no where, with football being the LAST thing I worry about, and it STILL bugs me.

On a final note, one of my Soldiers just played Superstar mode for Madden 2010 on XBOX, and his player was drafted by Buffalo. I was pumped, watched him do great in the regular season, even make it to the Super Bowl. The kid was great, couldn't lose...But it happened, even XBOX knows better to allow the Bills to win a Super Bowl. They got blown out by the Giants 34-10...Makes me want to cry.

Go Sabres,
1LT Brett
(Call letters omitted by Nick)
IRAQ

Brett,

Thanks for the email from overseas. It’s the MVP of the Mailbag. Trust me, we here feel your Bills pain, and hope things sure do get better.

On a serious note, I hope things are going alright over there. Stay safe, stay strong, and come home when you can.

Thanks for everything you do, man,
Nick

Keep the mail coming: nick@wgr550.com